A person comes before a judge on charges of theft.
The judge asked him: "Do you plead guilty?"
Season suspect: "Judge, you have no idea what I was going through, some days I do not have food ..."
The judge interrupts him and asks again: "Answer me in one word, yes or no?".
Continues the same person insisted: "Your Honor, I really have no idea what I was going through.
Just got fired from work ... "
The judge interrupted him again: "Do not tell me stories, just give me a straight answer, yes or no answer." Accused of ignoring the request of the judge,
And continues: "Judge, yesterday they seized my dining room table ...".
At this stage, the judge has been angry, hammering
And asks: "Will you answer in one word, yes or no?"
The same man replies: "Your Honor, there are questions that can not be one-word responses.
I would ask Your Honour asked if I honor one word answer, yes or no, I'll do it. "
Justice curious finally agrees challenge.
Asks the accused: "Is it true, what they say recently, Your Honour stopped taking bribes?"
A lawyer must always be ready for everything !!!
Petah Tikva law a Polish grandmother invited to testify.
The lawyer asks her: Mrs. Mndlboim- you know me?
Certainly - Season Hzknh- course I know you. Already Minkotc. After all, had you been to the street. You were always annoying baby. And you have become stupid and incompetent child.
And now everyone knows that much of an idiot you are. And a liar. And you're cheating on your wife with your secretary. And you lose every sentence. Apart from the ones you're bringing false witnesses.
Of course I know you.
The lawyer responded, slightly stunned and turns to the Petah Tikva old again and if you know, madam, the district attorney who sits opposite?
No, really - Season Hsbta- the Abriim`l punk Kfar Ganim? Who does not know.
After his poor mother and I the same doctor popup hospital since birth Hsiigtz.
Hapless fellow like him, of course I know him. Nothing good comes out. And even his wife is cheating ... with 3 different women ... one wife!
And he opened the office? Oh my, what corruption is the manager there.
I do not know him?
Silence in court.
Judge shocked as everyone else and ask two lawyers access to his office.
"My friends, I inform you both bluntly: if any of you asks her if she knows me, I sentenced him to two life sentences instead !!!"
-------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------
Why Kurd takes kettle court?
There will be no witnesses.
-------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------
A lawyer who defended accused of breaking into trying the protection of that creativity: "My client put his hand so casually into the window and took several items worthless. His hand is not himself, and I do not see how you can punish the whole body for what she did arm alone. "
"I agree," replied the judge, "I will use your logic and send the hand of the accused to prison for a year. He can join it or leave it."
The defendant smiled, and with his lawyer, he cut his artificial arm, laid it on the bench and walked away ...
-------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------
The lawyer of the insurance company asks for Road Accident Victims Law, "Is it true you told the officer, after the accident -` situation has never been better Iotr`? "
"Yes," replies the wounded.
Pune lawyer to the judge and say, "I finished my point!"
Defense lawyer facing the victim and asks him, "What were the circumstances in which you said that your situation was excellent?"
"It all happened when I, my horse and my dog, we drove a pickup truck," says the wounded, "We have a serious accident and the three of us were lying on the road."
The lawyer said, "Continue, please."
"Then the policeman came to help us and went before the horse," said the wounded man.
The lawyer asked him, "What did he do for a horse?"
Patient said, "He looked at it, he said -` He did not Isrod` - and shot him. "
"And what happened then," asked the lawyer.
Patient said, "He turned toward my dog, looked at him, said -` He did not Isrod` - and shot him, too. "
"And I guess that's when he turned to you," said the lawyer.
"That's right," said the wounded man.
The lawyer asked, "What he asked you?"
Patient said, "He asked me - 'What Slomc` ..."
-------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------
A man comes to town and suddenly come into the pub sits three people perceive him and shouting at him: "Why did you kill Jack?" The man did not answer and they take him to court where he is asked if he had anything to say, but the man is silent. Judge sentences man to death and hanged after trial out of curiosity asked what you have to say? But the man still silent. Take it to the square suspension leaves him on stage Wrap the rope around the neck and asked him if he had anything to say? Maybe last wish? Nothing. The man is silent.
Well, the executioner the rope clamp and kicking the chair. The man begins to twitch, signaling frantically to get it off. Hangman hurry to catch him and ask: So what?
You are crazy, he says, almost choked !.
-------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------
A man and a woman in the process of divorce court dealing with those who remain child?
The woman stood up abruptly and said:
"Your Honor, I gave birth to my child's pain and sorrow. He should stay with me."
The judge asked the husband: "What have you to say for yourself?"
The man thought for a moment, then got up slowly and said:
"Your Honor, if I put a coin machine beverages and leaves me a Coke, who reduced the machine or mine?"
-------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------
A man was prosecuted for distributing cannabis. One of the witnesses in the investigation was asked: "Have you received from this man ever pot?". "No, your honor," replied the witness. "Did you ever receiving his wife?" Asks the judge. "No, your honor," replied the witness. "Did you ever receipt daughter?" Makes it difficult to judge.
"We still continue to talk about the pot ??" Asks the witness.
The judge asked him: "Do you plead guilty?"
Season suspect: "Judge, you have no idea what I was going through, some days I do not have food ..."
The judge interrupts him and asks again: "Answer me in one word, yes or no?".
Continues the same person insisted: "Your Honor, I really have no idea what I was going through.
Just got fired from work ... "
The judge interrupted him again: "Do not tell me stories, just give me a straight answer, yes or no answer." Accused of ignoring the request of the judge,
And continues: "Judge, yesterday they seized my dining room table ...".
At this stage, the judge has been angry, hammering
And asks: "Will you answer in one word, yes or no?"
The same man replies: "Your Honor, there are questions that can not be one-word responses.
I would ask Your Honour asked if I honor one word answer, yes or no, I'll do it. "
Justice curious finally agrees challenge.
Asks the accused: "Is it true, what they say recently, Your Honour stopped taking bribes?"
A lawyer must always be ready for everything !!!
Petah Tikva law a Polish grandmother invited to testify.
The lawyer asks her: Mrs. Mndlboim- you know me?
Certainly - Season Hzknh- course I know you. Already Minkotc. After all, had you been to the street. You were always annoying baby. And you have become stupid and incompetent child.
And now everyone knows that much of an idiot you are. And a liar. And you're cheating on your wife with your secretary. And you lose every sentence. Apart from the ones you're bringing false witnesses.
Of course I know you.
The lawyer responded, slightly stunned and turns to the Petah Tikva old again and if you know, madam, the district attorney who sits opposite?
No, really - Season Hsbta- the Abriim`l punk Kfar Ganim? Who does not know.
After his poor mother and I the same doctor popup hospital since birth Hsiigtz.
Hapless fellow like him, of course I know him. Nothing good comes out. And even his wife is cheating ... with 3 different women ... one wife!
And he opened the office? Oh my, what corruption is the manager there.
I do not know him?
Silence in court.
Judge shocked as everyone else and ask two lawyers access to his office.
"My friends, I inform you both bluntly: if any of you asks her if she knows me, I sentenced him to two life sentences instead !!!"
-------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------
Why Kurd takes kettle court?
There will be no witnesses.
-------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------
A lawyer who defended accused of breaking into trying the protection of that creativity: "My client put his hand so casually into the window and took several items worthless. His hand is not himself, and I do not see how you can punish the whole body for what she did arm alone. "
"I agree," replied the judge, "I will use your logic and send the hand of the accused to prison for a year. He can join it or leave it."
The defendant smiled, and with his lawyer, he cut his artificial arm, laid it on the bench and walked away ...
-------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------
The lawyer of the insurance company asks for Road Accident Victims Law, "Is it true you told the officer, after the accident -` situation has never been better Iotr`? "
"Yes," replies the wounded.
Pune lawyer to the judge and say, "I finished my point!"
Defense lawyer facing the victim and asks him, "What were the circumstances in which you said that your situation was excellent?"
"It all happened when I, my horse and my dog, we drove a pickup truck," says the wounded, "We have a serious accident and the three of us were lying on the road."
The lawyer said, "Continue, please."
"Then the policeman came to help us and went before the horse," said the wounded man.
The lawyer asked him, "What did he do for a horse?"
Patient said, "He looked at it, he said -` He did not Isrod` - and shot him. "
"And what happened then," asked the lawyer.
Patient said, "He turned toward my dog, looked at him, said -` He did not Isrod` - and shot him, too. "
"And I guess that's when he turned to you," said the lawyer.
"That's right," said the wounded man.
The lawyer asked, "What he asked you?"
Patient said, "He asked me - 'What Slomc` ..."
-------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------
A man comes to town and suddenly come into the pub sits three people perceive him and shouting at him: "Why did you kill Jack?" The man did not answer and they take him to court where he is asked if he had anything to say, but the man is silent. Judge sentences man to death and hanged after trial out of curiosity asked what you have to say? But the man still silent. Take it to the square suspension leaves him on stage Wrap the rope around the neck and asked him if he had anything to say? Maybe last wish? Nothing. The man is silent.
Well, the executioner the rope clamp and kicking the chair. The man begins to twitch, signaling frantically to get it off. Hangman hurry to catch him and ask: So what?
You are crazy, he says, almost choked !.
-------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------
A man and a woman in the process of divorce court dealing with those who remain child?
The woman stood up abruptly and said:
"Your Honor, I gave birth to my child's pain and sorrow. He should stay with me."
The judge asked the husband: "What have you to say for yourself?"
The man thought for a moment, then got up slowly and said:
"Your Honor, if I put a coin machine beverages and leaves me a Coke, who reduced the machine or mine?"
-------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------
A man was prosecuted for distributing cannabis. One of the witnesses in the investigation was asked: "Have you received from this man ever pot?". "No, your honor," replied the witness. "Did you ever receiving his wife?" Asks the judge. "No, your honor," replied the witness. "Did you ever receipt daughter?" Makes it difficult to judge.
"We still continue to talk about the pot ??" Asks the witness.
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